Chapter 3 of #sorrynotsorry

Mr. Regret

   As the summer went on I became happier, this was starting to look like one of the best summer’s I’ve had in a long time. My friend called me up and invited me to one of her work parties I thought that could be fun and I would meet a lot of new people. I met her at the restaurant and it was packed. I scanned the room but I couldn’t find her. I felt like I was lost in a really big maze and the walls were closing in on me. I started getting nervous I stepped backwards and bumped into someone. I immediately started apologizing before I even turned around. When I looked up I almost shit myself, not literally. It was one of sociopath’s best friends. And I wanted to run and scream in the opposite direction. Because not only was it one of his best friends, I had also hooked up with him before I started dating Sociopath. It was just all around awkward and I think he felt that too. So instead of making idle conversation he asked to buy me a drink and I wasn’t going to turn down a free drink. I eventually found my girlfriend she was pretty drunk, like the kind of drunk where you start to be a different person with a whole new personality kind of drunk. Those are my favorite drunks. You never know who you’re going to get. She ended up having to leave early and I was okay with that because weirdly enough I liked the conversation I was having with let’s call him Tommy. I liked where our conversation was going because he told me he didn’t talk to sociopath anymore. He even apologized to me for the way sociopath acted over the years and he was so sorry for the way I was treated. That gained him a lot of points on my chart.

He kept buying me drinks all night until we were both pretty drunk. He was so drunk that he told me over all these years he’s liked me and wanted another chance. I was shocked completely shocked. Okay, I wasn’t that shocked because I always knew he would always have a little crush on me. But I was drunk and I liked hearing everything he had to say even if it was to spite sociopath and even if I didn’t feel the same way back. It was sort of like I won and sociopath lost. Part of me knew not to go further into this but I wanted to get sociopath back for all the years he hurt me. Revenge felt like a really good idea. Tommy’s friends had left him so his only ride home was me and we just so happened to live really close by to each other. I drove him to his house and he asked me if I wanted to drink some water before I drove home. Which was code word for come inside and have sex with me. I knew it was wrong but I didn’t say no. And the whole entire time I knew it was wrong what I was doing but I couldn’t stop. I was just still so hurt and the alcohol wasn’t helping any. I walked into his house and he got me a bottle of water. We went up to his room and started talking and that’s when my talking turned into crying. I couldn’t believe it. I was crying over sociopath to his ex best friend. This was just one fucked up situation I had gotten myself into yet again.

Tommy wiped my tears and told me it was going to be okay and then he kissed me. And that kiss made me feel better. At first I was just talking to Tommy because I wanted to do it out of spite. But what happened next I never meant for it go that far but it did and before I knew it my clothes were coming off and I didn’t stop him. And I don’t know why, I knew what I was doing and I knew it was wrong but part of me wanted to see what it felt like to really hurt someone who hurt me. I wanted to know if it was easy to sleep with one of my exes best friends, since he had done it to me countless number of times. I was sad and half not over what sociopath had done to me throughout the years. All of my aggression I had for sociopath I took it out on Tommy. We had slept together and I felt gross, completely and utterly gross. And I’m guessing that’s how most normal people feel after doing something like that. It felt like complete betrayal and it didn’t feel too good. Even though I wasn’t with Sociopath I felt like in that moment I was just like him and I hated that feeling. I woke up at six in the morning not knowing where I was but praying I was in my bed and this was all just a horrible nightmare. I turned over and there he was Mr. regret himself right in the flesh. I had to get out of there. I quietly got out of the bed and grabbed all my shit as fast as I could so I didn’t have to face him and make up some stupid excuse. It was code nine for get the fuck out of there. My luck though he woke up as I was grabbing my clothes he asked where I was going. I told him that this was a mistake and ran out the door. I drove home in complete disgust and in silence. I hated myself for what I did. I felt like I was just like sociopath and that feeling I never wanted to feel again. Tommy called me a couple hours later asking if I was okay and I could barely look at the screen, even seeing his name pop up made me feel like an awful human being. It took me weeks to move on from what I had done. And I know maybe some of you may think I’m being a drama queen. But everything about what I had done felt wrong. And I never could understand how Sociopath could do this to me so many times. Because this kind of feeling wasn’t something I would like to have twice. Tommy called me for days asking to talk and hang out and I never returned his messages ever again. If I saw him out in the same place I would walk the other way. It was easier to pretend it didn’t happen. I didn’t want to relive what I did. And so I never talked about it ever again until now. I know now that mistakes happen and we are all human, we fuck shit up sometimes, get hurt, or hurt others but at the end of the day will all this petty shit matter years from now? Here’s a lesson, don’t waste your time on revenge, those who hurt you will eventually face their own karma.

Stay tuned next week for one of my worst dating stories ever. 

Hashtag #sorrynotsorry on social media when done reading!! 

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