Chapter 6 of #sorrynotsorry




         At this point I was done with trying to find a boyfriend. Or in any sense feel any emotion towards any male. This was about me. My time. I knew I could be happy without a man I had proven it. I was done with being set up, with tinder, with everything. If I was meant to fall Inlove with someone it would happen I wasn’t going to force it. And any kind of dating honestly made me want to vomit. It was now December, the fall semester had come to a close, and it was now Christmas time! My favorite time of the year. Even though I lived in Florida and the low temperature  only ever reached to about 50 I wasn’t going to let that stop me from wearing coats, scarves, and hats. Everything fashionable I could wear I would do it. Christmas time always had me in good spirits. There was always lots of bonfires with good friends kicking back with some beers or going out to a fun bar where everyone would go on Wednesdays. This bar had a one dollar beer night, who was going to pass that up? And this is where I introduce you to let’s call him Damon. 

      He was a bad boy and I think that is what drew me to him. The way he dressed, to the way he talked, everything about him was sexy and I wanted to know more. And this my friends is the good kind of bad boy. For weeks I would just look from a far not having the courage to go up and make conversation because I never thought in a million years he would be interested in me. Finally one Wednesday night my friend Angela had enough of this and decided to take matters into her own hands. As I yelled for her not to do what she was about to do, she smirked and walked off. I was so mortified. I felt like I was in fifth grade all over again. I was too nervous to look so I went to the bathroom and literally sat in there for 15 minutes. I couldn’t believe I was so nervous I was like a little girl. I was so nervous that I ran out of the bathroom grabbed my friend jenny and told her we were leaving. I couldn’t believe I didn’t have the balls to go talk to him or let him come talk to me. As soon as we got to my car I felt safe. I wasn’t ready to talk to him. I didn’t even know what to say. You can’t just spring a bad boy onto me like that without me having a whole witty conversation already stored in my head ready to go. I promised myself next Wednesday I would talk to him. As we drove home I decided it would be a good idea to find him on instagram and follow him and maybe he would lurk me and see that I was the girl at the bar, and so I could lurk him and see all his pictures. Yes, boys this is literally what we all do and you know you do it too. He had a beard too by the way. **side note I LOVE BEARDS! He almost immediately followed me back and commented on one of my pictures asking if I was the girl from Bar Louie. I replied saying yes I was. After that short conversation I couldn’t wait for next Wednesday. Now we knew who each other was, one of us had to say something this time around. 

      As next Wednesday arrived I could feel the butterflies tingle in my belly as we pulled up to the bar. Now Damon knew I thought he was cute thanks to Angela and he knew who I was. Here goes nothing. This could either be one epic fail or a great night. The night went on he had not approached me yet and I didn’t understand why. Yes, I know I could have went up to him but he was so damn hot I was nervous. Can you blame me? That’s when Jenny took it in her own hands to make me be seen. She stood me right in front of him and that’s when he was pushed by his friends because I guess he was a little nervous also. Jenny gave me the look and I knew he was going to pop up at any point in time and I’m pretty sure I broke in a sweat. Jenny started quietly freaking out that he was walking towards me, then I started silently freaking out also. It was one big ball of silent happiness. It was then when I felt someone touch my shoulder, I turned around and it was him. I was in heaven, he was perfect with one glance. I just hoped his personality matched his looks. He was really drunk but he was still adorable. He was damn sexy from head to toe. He had a beard, tattoo’s, and he was just one smoldering fella. I started to notice all the tattoos all over his body, and my eyes lit up. Could he take his clothes off now or later I thought. Eventually after drunk chit chat we exchanged numbers and I left. I felt very accomplished. The next couple of days he would text me every day and I loved it. This insanely hot guy took the time out of his day to text me and care about what I was doing, I couldn’t believe it. We eventually made plans to meet up and we did. And it was the best, most nerve-wracking thing I threw myself into but I loved every second of it. I mean at first I was scared don’t get me wrong but I had this feeling and I couldn’t shake it. I had to give him a chance. Our first kiss was really nice. We had been laying in his bed just talking about everything. We wanted to know everything about each-other. We talked so much that we lost track of time and I totally forgot I had a plane to catch at 6 in the morning which was in a few hours. Before I could get myself together he grabbed me and pulled me back to him and started kissing me. It was so forceful and passionate. I hadn’t been kissed like that in a long time. You can always tell how a guy feels about you when he kisses you. And it was definitely  one passionate kiss that’s for damn sure. All throughout my Christmas vacation he texted me every day to just check in. We honestly couldn’t get enough of each other. He was all I thought about, I just wanted to get back to Florida and be kissed like that again. When I came back from my vacation I was so excited to see him. As soon as I got home from the airport, I threw all my stuff in my room and raced to his house. Yes, I only knew him for about five seconds but that kiss really made me want more, he definitely had me intrigued.

      I got to his house and some of his friends were over and we all played some cards and drank some beer which was well needed after the long cold vacation I had up north chasing around 3 year olds. I was definitely feeling a little bit tipsy and so was Damon because his hands were all over me and I loved it. He put his arm around me with all his friends around and when guys show PDA in front of their friends that’s a very good sign. That means he’s proud to have you around and that’s all I needed to know. I got up to use the bathroom because my bladder was not going to hold anymore alcohol. When I came out of the bathroom he grabbed me and pulled me into his room. His forcefulness was something I wasn’t used too. Every women loves when a man takes charge. We made our way to the bed and he was just kissing me so hard and then before I knew it both our clothes were off. Gosh, my hormones were way stronger then my ability to say no. I had known this kid for maybe two weeks and I already gave it up?! I had to really start working on my self-control. Damon knew what he was doing that’s for sure. I think I drove home feeling like happiness was just oozing out of me. I could have gotten in a car accident and I would have probably smiled through the whole thing. This was the first guy I actually started to have feelings for since sociopath and oddly I wasn’t nervous this time or scared it just felt right. I was finally moving on up in the world.

      For the next couple of weeks we hung out like every day. We even spent New Year’s together and it was definitely  a good night. My first New Years kiss with someone else other than sociopath. This New Year I wasn’t sitting at home crying I was with a boy that actually cared to make me smile. Sorry to burst your bubble but this one turned out not to be the guy either. I know zero points for the home team. I started to see little things in Damon that started to remind me too much of my ex and I didn’t like the déjà vu. Yes, he was a complete gentleman but his lifestyle was one I didn’t know I could live with. Did I want to be with someone that didn’t have a real job yet, smoked too much, and didn’t have a car. And I think we were more physically attracted to each other then mentally anyways. There was never really anything to talk about between us. I wish there was, and I wish we had met at a different time because I think we would have more things in common. He was a really nice guy don’t get me wrong, but I was looking for something stable and I didn’t think he was that for me at that point in time. Who knows maybe I was just making up a million excuses because deep down I wasn’t ready but I guess all things happen for a reason because he ended up not having feelings for me like that either. We just weren’t each others person and I was okay with that. I think God was testing me. Would I go back to the same kind of person I once had before or finally make a change in my life? I didn’t want to go back to that and even though it was a hard defeat realizing that Damon wasn’t that one I also knew that there was someone out there waiting to meet me and that made this whirlwind of a roller coaster I call life even more exciting. So, yes if you’re wondering If there was any good guys in my life that actually made an imprint and lasted longer than a hot second. There was and there was only one and his name was let’s call him Will. I knew one day that if I could find another guy that treated me the way Will treated me I would truly be one lucky gal. Here’s a lesson short and sweet, don’t leave the good guys behind, they’re the real keepers. 

Stay tuned next Monday to meet my first love. 

And make sure to hashtag #sorrynotsorry and tag me when done reading! 

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