Chapter 7 of #sorrynotsorry

My first love 

He was perfect, he was everything a girl could want and more. He was the one guy every girl deserved in their life at some point. He was my first love he was my first everything. I loved this boy so much and when you’re young this kind of love is overwhelming and amazing and I never wanted it to end. I would say to myself every day that I was going to marry this boy. Because I couldn’t see a future without him in it. I do believe in love at first sight because even though I was young he was the only boy who had me at hello.

I can remember our first kiss, those long tight hugs where he would whisper, ” I love you pretty girl.” To all our late night conversations where we never wanted to hang up because we would miss each other too much. I remember it all and it was magical and beautiful everything a girl could dream of and wish for when they read their first fairytale. I had many first’s with him one of those being the first time I ever drank a beer and got drunk. It was Halloween of 2009 and I went to a Halloween party with Will. I was in high school so I had to try alcohol at some point and I rather it be with someone I trust that god forbid if something bad were to happen I know Will would be there. I Picked up my first beer it was a Budweiser and it was disgusting. I remember thinking to myself what was all the buzz about beer because it tasted horrible. But I wanted to fit in something that I now know is stupid. I remember being scared and not knowing what was going to happen after drinking these beers. OCD Ali wanted to know exactly how many beers it took for me to get drunk so after every beer I would remind myself what number I was at each time I finished one. I drank eight beers and that’s when things started to get a little fuzzy. This night was the first night I kissed  my boyfriend. My first real kiss with him. The feelings that erupted inside of me was something I never felt before. And even though I was wasted I remember that feeling that I had when we first kissed it’s a feeling you never really forget. Yes, I know I was drunk but sometimes we need a little liquid courage to kiss someone. He was a great kisser, I never wanted to stop kissing him. But all good things must come to an end right? Well, they did because I was hammered, like blacked out drunk. Will’s dad had to drive me home and the whole way home I was puking my guts out of his dad’s truck. I just remember his dad kept saying, “what is wrong with her,” and Will just kept saying, “she ate something bad, drive faster Dad!” SO EMBARRASSING! But I will definitely always remember that night because it was part of me growing up.

I just had so many experiences with this boy some that really made my view on men very high because Will treated me like a princess. I never had sex with Will believe it or not. Part of me thinks that I wasn’t ready, I remember being scared. But if I could go back he would be the one that I would choose to lose my v-card to and not sociopath. Being young I took this relationship for granted. I was young and dumb. I wanted to explore the high school life and go to parties and meet people and well having a boyfriend I felt held me back from doing a lot of those things. And it’s okay to grow up. When you grow up the sad part is some people do get left behind. It wasn’t anything against Will, I loved that boy so much, even years later. But it will always sting knowing I fell in love with him at the wrong time. If it was a different time and different place who knows what could have happen, but we were just kids, loving each other so hard. We just always had natural chemistry that never could go away. He changed me for the better. He helped me see the good in things. I can honestly tell you I never knew what a bad day was like when I was with him.

After breaking up in high school we were probably like the best ex’s to ever exist. We always loved each other and over the years always came back to each other it was just he was the love of my life at one point in time and that kind of love never really goes away. Not a day goes by that I don’t regret the way I handled our situation and the way I treated this boy, I could have handled a lot of things differently. Like not drinking a whole bottle of wine and confessing how much I love him and then the next day being so scared of commitment actually ignoring him. I know, I’m stupid please don’t remind me. He was in love with me always and not knowing it at the time or caring I broke his heart. He comes to my mind time and time again and all I can do is smile but my mother always told me the mind replays what the heart can’t delete. If I ever come across a man that treats me the way Will treated me I know I will be the luckiest girl in the world. I will always have a soft spot for Will.  I know I would always be his, “pretty girl,” and he would always be my first love.

Stay tuned next Monday to meet mr. Funny guy! 

Make sure to share this chapter and hashtag #sorrynotsorry 

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