Chapter 12 #sorrynotsorry



           Mid life crisis & Beards 

      We all get ourselves into some icky situations all the time, it’s normal. But the fact I let myself even travel to this realm is sort of actually somewhat puke worthy. Yes, he was cute and tall and had a beard like I already said before but god I felt like this could be child abuse. He was only two years younger than me but when you are always use to dating older guys going younger seems a bit weird especially when they’re friends with your little sister. I would have never given this boy a second look but when things go drastically wrong in my life I don’t make the best decisions and tend to do stupid things. And when he happens to be super sweet and easy on the eyes, what are you suppose to do? Do you guys remember sociopath? You know the total psychopath that ruined my life? Well, he decided it would be appropriate to move back to Florida. This is not okay. This is a level one, code nine disaster. It’s like when things get good he just shows up to knock me back down. So I was stressed out thinking everywhere I turned he would be there and no one needs that kind of stress in their life. Because I knew sooner or later he would call me I just didn’t know when and I wasn’t exactly sitting there waiting for it either. One night my phone started blowing up and when I saw the name I got that feeling in my whole body, just immediate fear. I didn’t want to open up the texts because it’s been years since we spoke and I wasn’t exactly ready to say, “hey what’s up, how’s the cheating life treating you?” But of course I have no self control what so ever and I opened them. And it was everything the bad guy always says. I’m sorry, please forgive me, I love you, I can’t be without you anymore, and so on. Well, that’s all the shit I got for hours, and then I got a call from his girlfriend. Yeah, the same girlfriend he cheated on me with. Oh life is just great. So, that was a lot of yelling and total bullshit. Here he is again popping right back in trying to ruin me and I let him for those couple of hours. I let myself get caught up in his act. He is and will always be a liar.

      After all of that I needed a drink, some music and something to take my mind off the total and complete bullshit rollercoaster I call my life.
Fast forward and the next thing I know I’m making out hard core with the “child.” Let me also say there is nothing romantic about drunkenly making out with someone. But he was a good kisser. When life gets stressful I apparently make the best decisions ever. After I realized what I was doing it was too late because everyone saw and everyone had something to say. After all the years of me turning down every single one of my sisters guy friends, this one got lucky so good for you because it will NEVER happen ever again. After leaving the club most of the people we were with came back to my house and that’s when things got weird. I thought a younger guy would be great in bed….. well, they’re not. And then he decided it was appropriate to sleep over. Like no leave get out, I need my beauty sleep, and some “kid,” is not going to ruin that for me. 

         Well, you guessed it, I didn’t kick him out instead I slept on the damn couch. Such a great night, really the best one yet. After that experience down looney toon lane I thought about it for days. Like yeah whatever I slept with one of my sisters friends boo hoo I’m sure worse things have been done. This whole Sociopath thing was really getting to me and the “kid,” actually made me feel better. He was funny, sweet, and genuinely always cared about my feelings. Maybe I needed that, maybe I needed him more than I actually knew at the time. I mean hearing from your cheating ex boyfriend after two years of never apologizing for anything they’ve done, it’s not a good feeling. And I wanted that feeling to go away. I didn’t want to have all those memories of tears, and pain I just wanted to not feel that part of me I buried so deeply. So, that’s when I started calling the “kid,” and I’m sure he was surprised. Hanging out with him got my mind off things and he’s beard is definitely one of the best, damn the beards always get me.
      We hung out over the next few weeks but at the end of the day he was just trying to have fun and I was using him as therapeutically as possible it wasn’t a healthy combination even though you think it would be one. I was starting to get attached because the feeling of not feeling sad because of sociopath was a feeling I wanted more of and he gave that to me. But I decided maybe it’s not the best idea to hook up with younger guys that are friends with your sister, yeah it took me awhile to realize that one. But hey, don’t knock it till you try it.     

      After “the kid,” left to go back to school I felt better I deleted, blocked all contacts of sociopath or anyone that was friends with him. I needed to stay strong I had proven already that I was and he was not going to come back up in the life of Ali Baker and take that away from me because this time I wasn’t going down without a fight or at least I thought so. Here’s a lesson, when something feels wrong it probably it is. 

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