Dating in the 21st century is a shit show. I would know first hand because that’s usually how all my relationships turn out. In this blog I thought I would fast forward a little bit in time from the last to teach everyone a valuable lesson, and hopefully after reading this most of you will get it.
It took me a long time to get back in the groove of wanting to meet people. I was scared of getting hurt, I was scared of opening up to someone again. But deep down I wanted too, I just didn’t know how much time I actually needed to heal the wounds that were inside from previous relationships. I decided a change of scenery would help me step out in the world and potentially meet new people. I got a new job, and on my first week of working I did meet someone, someone I would soon regret spending so much time with.
If you read my blogs, you know I don’t date, I don’t do boyfriends. I mean what even is a boyfriend ? What do you do with them? Do you have to give them undivided attention? Do you have to feed them? Do you take them places? See, I know nothing. I was so long out of the loop I didn’t know how to get back in. I spent a lot of time with this guy from work, and I never thought I would be his girlfriend because I never thought that day would come to where he would ask me.
In those short five seconds you have to think if you want to be a “girlfriend” or not, many thoughts rushed through my head. Most of them were like run away as fast as you can. But I always do that. Every potential guy I ever met I ran away from. Maybe it was just time to say yes and wing it. So, that’s what I did, I winged it.
Ladies and Gentlemen, I have a boyfriend.
I was still weary about my decision because I’m an over thinker, It’s my downfall. I thought too much about the future. My plans, my goals, my dreams, and all he was was a 21 year old restaurant worker with no goals or motivation. I started seeing things about him, that I didn’t like. He would tell little white lies here and there and I knew he was lying but I just looked the other way. He just started reminding me on why I left my horrible, sociopathic ex boyfriend a million years ago. But I stuck with him because I thought his childish ways would change if he really cared about me.
I could feel myself falling into old patterns, that broke me years ago and I didn’t like it. I am the strong woman I am today because of my past and I wasn’t going to let some kid, turn me back into that naive girl again.
At first he was a perfect guy, a gentlemen, someone that really treated me well. And overnight it was like the fuck boy fairy came into his room and gave him the magic juice. Because he stopped paying attention to me, stopped talking to me, he would ignore me for days and think that it was okay, and not even bat an eye to hear or see me cry. No matter how many times he would like to lie, he cheated on me, who knows how many times. Oh and by the way you’re not a good liar. Yes I was sad, I’m not a crier, I don’t usually deal with immature stuff like this. I didn’t know what to think, I couldn’t sleep at night, I couldn’t eat. I didn’t get why someone I cared about could treat another human being this way. But lesson number one people, if someone treats you badly, remember there is something wrong with them, not you. Normal people don’t go around destroying other people. I would tell myself;
I will not feel crazy for blowing him up a million times, when he was up to shady shit.
I will not let myself feel like it was something I did.
Some people just suck, and there’s nothing we can do about it.
I had to learn the hard way that dating someone younger then me and him being 21, emphasis on the age 21, was so not what I needed in my life.
And this queen right here, was way too good for him anyways.
Sometimes I have dreams about him and I wonder if anything could have been fixed and I want to reach out to him to give my mind some ease but that would be pointless because he doesn’t care and I shouldn’t either.
There is no point of saying why me, how could he do this to me? I know now as I wake up every morning with a smile on my face that simply put: He was a fuck boy with little man syndrome and I don’t mean by height.
Not all people are like this or have this behavior and If you’re out there and some fuck boy fucked with you or some girl broke you’re heart…. just know you got someone out there that is a million times better waiting for you. So live your life, love your friends, drink, be merry. Your love story will come. Most importantly don’t let anyone rain on your parade, ruin your self worth, and give you bad sex.