I knew with writing these blogs people were going to talk. I mean did you really think after all this time I didn’t know that? I have literally wrote about my exes, guys I’ve liked, people that have changed my life, I mean I’m pretty positive there’s even a story with me projectile vomiting on my dates front door. The point is if I wanted to hide how I felt, I wouldn’t be writing these for the world to see. So, I’m going to reiterate something because I feel like it got lost in translation. My blogs about people have and always will be PAST TENSE. Alright class, you got it? You think we’re ready to move on from this chapter. Because I don’t know about you but I’m ready to dive head first into this next one.
I am here to chat with you today not about the Declaration of Independence but about another very patriotic time in life. More specific, my life. What I did, well let’s say I did it for America, God bless the USA.
The day started off normal, 23 was invited to the Fourth of July festivities but couldn’t make it. And this was way long before I told him how I felt. So, in my mind this was going to be the day. I was going to get drunk off as many white claws as I could and tell him the big ole secret of mine. But that obviously did not happen if you all have been reading, you know what actually happened. But let’s just not rewind back to that we both don’t have the time.
So, it was going to be a no telling the truth kind of day. Just a fun day with all my friends out on the water chugging alcohol eating a many array of chips and dip, being goofballs, taking too many pictures with too many puns about the Fourth of July and my personal favorite playing slap tequila.
**slap tequila- when you take a shot of tequila and get slapped in the face, basically how it sounds**
What I did not think was going to happen was me hooking up with someone in my close friend group and someone I’ve known for 10 years or so, let’s call him B.
I mean technically if we’re going to be in this truth circle, I gotta come clean. I knew drunk Ali was going to get into some shenanigans, B just happened to be in the cross fire. But I’m sure he’s not mad about it.
*Major spoiler below*
I mean technically we hooked up again after all of this so I know he’s not mad about it.
Anyways back to the bad decisions…
And here I go, bad decision 4,201…
I don’t know how it went from a classy fourth with me floating around on a pool float with a drink in my hand like I’m a housewife to slurring my words to my girlfriend, “I’m bored I think I’m going to hook up with B.” To where she looked at me and was like, “oh now you really have lost it.”
Well, I told you my brain was doing some crazy things to process the information of the impending doom of my love life but this one…
It was like I wanted to astral project out of my body and punch me in the face.
A couple of us had to deal with a drunk girl being overly emotional in the laundry room but before I knew it everyone left and it was just me and B. I looked at him and I was like, “no Ali, you leave this room right now, sober Ali is going to punch you in the face.” I went to open the door and the next thing I know my body was in close proximity to his body and then he just grabbed my arm and pulled me into him. He grabbed my face and slammed the door behind him.
In my mind, “I was like okay this is happening. This is actually happening. My mouth is on his mouth… I’m making out with my friend. Is this weird?” “It’s probably weird that I’m having this whole dialogue in my head while I’m being pushed up against a dryer.”
Whose 23, I forgot already.
I didn’t think he would be such a good kisser either. But like, I don’t know if it was the alcohol or his beard but I was weirdly into this whole thing that was happening. He knew what he wanted and that was kind of hot.
And the most ironic thing about this is that here is my friend I’ve known forever, grabbing me into a room and making out with my face and basically doing everything I wanted and it was easy. And then in my life outside of this laundry room I can’t even tell a boy I like him, or god forbid push him into a laundry room.
But back to the hot steamy make out sesh…
It soon escalated, many of times in many of places if you know what I mean.
And there’s something about just being with someone who, is at the end of the day just your friend and knowing you’re not going to like each other in that way, there’s not going to be drama, nothing is going to come from this and just looking up at the fireworks in the midnight sky with his arm around me and genuinely feeling at peace with your thoughts.
It was just two really good friends having a really fun time, and I needed that.
I knew my problems with holding this secret in had to come out eventually but I knew when I was ready it would, which if you have been reading along you know it did.
Fast forward a couple of months…
I had this crazy revelation, that I’m sure many of you reading probably had way long before me. I had to stop wondering and focusing on all the reasons why 23 doesn’t like me or does because I was drowning in my own thoughts. I had to stop running around trying to hide my emotions and just be my heart on my sleeve honest self. Because that girl, the funny, passionate* not crazy , happy go lucky girl she’s the girl I’m rooting for.
It’s fine to like someone and it’s okay for it not to work out. I thought wouldn’t it just be so nice to be friends. To just genuinely go back to the way things use to be and just have fun together and stop listening to the chatter of the world about us. And in that moment everything changed, because life offered me piece of mind and when life offers you something special you take it.
I love him, yes I do.
But as the person he is and the good friend he is to me and I’m okay with that. And all of the chaos that once was with this big ole shit storm disappeared into the night for the time being and there I was just a girl with her cat living her best life looking up to the damn sky….
Hey universe, you a crazy bitch but I love you.
Stay tuned next week!
Advice of the week: Fall in love with yourself first because that person is fucking awesome.